Restless nights, reacting to stress, and learning how to regulate yourself, even when you can’t sleep!

Are you a light sleeper and nothing keeps you awake like your anxious mind?

Do you love to sleep but getting a full night of it feels like a dream?

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been sharing about Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and how I use it in my work for Big Love Movement and in my life. Today, I’m coming back to my favourite topic with some new reflections and practices to share with you. Yes, I am here to talk to you about SLEEP.

The sleep you have and the time you give your body to rest are two different things. You need both because these times of restoration each play an important role in your mental and emotional state of well-being, and have a big impact on your body, and how you feel in your body.

Here’s something you might not know…

Sleep deprivation (lack of sleep for one night or more) increases your brain reactivity.

This means you’re more likely to REACT, rather than RESPOND to things going on around you.

Reacting means you act on instinct in an instant rather than assessing and considering your present situation. When you’re overtired and missing sleep you rely on the primitive part of your brain rather than the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for logical thinking meaning you’ll be less focused, less able to make good decisions, less able to respond quickly to things around you and less able to memorise things and manage your emotions and mood.

When you’re well-rested and have been sleeping well you can think more clearly and rationally, and respond from a headspace of presence, empathy and compassion.

Now, be honest, are you a bedtime scroller?

Is bedtime procrastination something you’re (a little) guilty of?

Me too, until recently.

I’d triple check my alarms and to-do lists, make last-minute notes on my phone and ‘quickly’ google something completely unnecessary.

It’s taken me about 2 months to create the habit of leaving my phone downstairs at night. I still get the urge to reach for my phone when I’m happily reading my book, it’s like a nervous twitch, a habit my body is still getting used to but I’ve changed my bedtime routine and its helped me switch off at night.

The thing is, there is ALWAYS something else to do, to check, to add to your list of things to do tomorrow, so sometimes the only solution is to remove the thing that enables you to do that the most!

Your bedtime routine, habits and how you ‘put the day to bed’ are so influential on your sleep patterns, so this is always the first place to start.

Only last night I was lying there at maybe, 2 or 3 o’clock, (I find it best not to check, sometimes;-)) feeling strangely calm.

I remember feeling the heaviness of the quilt and thinking to myself, “I love this bed”.

My mind kept drifting to what had woken me up, some “unfinished business” in my brain, and then I’d notice how my hands were clenched and I’d wiggle them out, I relaxed my tongue that was pressed against the roof of my mouth, and I lay there curiously noticing cold parts, unravelling tense bits and feeling quite content in my nest of a duvet.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy at first. As my thoughts started to become stories and tick lists I kept thinking, “just be quiet, now is not the time to start planning or doing”, and I came back to how I was breathing, how I could relax my body, and let myself rest.

If you want to change how you are feeling; your emotions or the stress cycle you are experiencing whether in bed or at any other time of the day you need to change your physiology. The best and simpliest way you can do this is by altering how you are breathing because your breath has a direct impact on your nervous system, they are linked.

Think about when you aren’t sleeping, feeling anxious or stressed out, this is your nervous system in dysregulation. To regulate your nervous system; bring yourself back into balance, and therefore change the experience you’re having in your body, changing your breath is the first place to start.

Every session I teach in The Big Love Yoga Community or workshop I share begins with awareness of how you’re feeling and how you are breathing. I do this so you learn to understand when you are in dysregulation and how you can bring yourself back to a state of well-being, calm and groundedness.

One thing I do at night is a simple practice of mindful breathing, I call it the ‘Z’zzzz breath and back in lockdown I created a graphic for this technique for my journal to make it easy to remember whenever you needed it, you can see it below. This technique requires patience but let’s be honest, when you’re awake in the middle of the night you’ll try anything, and patience is something we could use more of in our lives!

To practice Z breathing you breathe in slowly and deeply (using your diaphragm) for 4 counts, then you hold your breath, or pause gently, for the count of 7. Then you slowly release your breath for the count of 8 (softly pursing your lips is a good way to make it slow), repeating this practice until your body naturally starts to feel heavy, your breath begins to relax, and your mind is no longer fixated on your thoughts.

While there is still a lot to learn about the benefits of mindfulness on sleep one thing is obvious to me; I am far less stressed when I’m unable to get back to sleep and I’m more aware of what’s causing me to wake up. I’m aware of my emotions and the “unfinished business” I have going on in my body, and all this means I have more compassion for myself when I’m lying awake at night.

Knowing that little fact about the impact sleep has on your brain might not help you sleep any better initially however, I hope it’s got you thinking about how you put your day to bed, and your bedtime routine and inspired you to try something new this week to help yourself drift off (again) and get a better nights sleep.

Big love,
Becki

Breathe in slowly for 4 counts, gently hold your breath as you count to 7, and then slowly release your breath for the count of 8. Repeat this practice until your body naturally starts to feel heavy and your mind is calm.